Funny War stories

Rice Rocket

New member
I noticed we have alot of vets on here. Deployments don't suck 24/7. Post up those war stories that'll make us all laugh at the insanity of Iraq and Afghanistan.
 

STimedic

New member
I don't want to say anything incriminating....outside of the 'acquired' Ford Scorpio dorifto contest that ended in something something destroyed evidence.
 

Rice Rocket

New member
I get a call one night from my Squadron Commander that he has an mission for me to go on. The mission will garner the favor of one of the local informants, who also hapened to be the son of the local Sheik, we'll call him Anmar. We were always going back and forth with these guys doing stuff for them and them for us, you know the deal. Anyways the mission is to go to the Anmar house, make link up and tend to one of his nephews who had been shot. We get him patched up and garner the favor of the sheik's son...bada bing bada boop we win the war.
We get there and Anmar is drunk. I was expecting that when we arrived we would fine the typical Iraqi chaos that ensues after someone has been shot. but all we find is Anmar smoking and drinking on his little lawn in his courtyard. We inquire as to the location of this nephew with a GSW. We get met with a very bewildered look. Anmar states that he doesnt care that his nephew has been shot and we shouldnt waste our time with such a trivial task as saving his life.
I have arrived at one of those situations that they dont prepare Platoon Sergeants for.
So I insist to Anmar that in the interest of goodwill and because my 6 has insisted, that we at least take at look at the gunshot victim.
So we wait while one of Anmars wives goes to retrieve this nephew. A few minutes later out comes a early 20's male that is also mentally retarded. He's also very calm... cant feel anything or he didnt realize GSWs hurt.:shock:
I tell my medic to examine him. My medic peels back the bandage and we see this fetid, decaying, gunshot wound in the nephews gut.
I was under the impression that the nephew had just been shot. In turns out the nephew had been shot days prior and had already been treated (to use the term losely) at Kadhamiya hospital. I relay this to my 6, who again insist that we have him treated.
Well since we didnt shoot him, US forces wont treat him. So we decide we'll try to take him to the IA side of Taji. So off we go with the nephew, who is now under the impression we are going to take him to jail. So my terp has to calm a overweight grown retard with a festering GSW. Joe was a good terp.
Its now really late at night and in stark contrast to the American side of Taji. The IA side of Taji has no one on duty. We finally find some IA troops wandering around in man dresses and inquire as to the location of their clinic.
We arrive at their clinic and there are two buildings one has its lights on and one has its lights off. So we naturally bring the nephew to the lit building. The gate is locked. So instruct two guys to hop the wall and find an entrance. They find a walk through gate and open it and we haul the nephew through. Remember he still kinda thinks he's going to jail. But now he freaks out and begins to run and flail his arms. We give chase. All this commotion has gotten the lights to the adjacent building to come on. Out come some IA soldier's and they are trying to figure out what is going on. All they see is US soldiers chasing a retard around their compound.
We eventually find out that the original building is not the clinic but in fact is their morgue. Which apparently the retard understood too. :tard:The building they just came out of is the clinic. Figures, the one with the lights off.
We get the on call doc (who spoke perfect english because he was from Philadelphia)to take a look at him. The doc takes one look and says the medical equivelent of "stick a fork in him".
With heavy hearts we return him to Anmar to tell him the bad news. Upon hearing the prognosis Anmar states "yea, I knew that, thats why I told your commander to not bother".
Mission Complete aproximately 0300. Up at 0500 for the morning mortar attack. Counter IED ambush at 0600. We were sleepy.
 
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