Hilarious thread someone posted on a video game forum I'm on:
Was doing some grocery shopping earlier today.
The store was packed with folks, when that certain urge came on.
Was trying to find the perfect spot for a few minutes. Then the urge went away.
For those not signed in, here were my potential targets (as well as the poll choices)
1. Flower Section: thought the flowers would mask the smell. Got worried the flowers couldn't do the job.
2. Soap Aisle: The scent here was strong, however there were quite a few people here. Population density was high.
3. An Empty Aisle: Couldn't find one. Too many people.
4. Leave the Groceries and go Outside: Was too nervous that staff might think I was trying to steal something. Would've been too embarrassing to explain my true intentions if "caught."
5. Near the Onions: ...Thought about trying to quietly let everything out, then picking up an onion and making a comment to those around me that the onion smelled really bad. Came close to this one - but panicked last second. I'd have to guard all the onions so that nobody would smell them for a while, or they would know my secret.
6. The Bottle Return: This area typically smells vile anyway. Unfortunately there was quite a line here. The people would surely know something fowl was floating around that wasn't there 3 seconds ago though - so I scrapped this idea quickly.
7. Fart next to an infant in diapers and blame them: Not going to lie, this entered my mind for a split second... But I am no monster.
8. Just Let it all out and leer at anyone who suspected me: Unfortunately, I lack such bravery.